MAKING A COMMITMENT: WHEN YOUR PARTNER BECOMES SERIOUSLY ILL
Another case where a secondary relationship can develop is when one partner becomes seriously ill or permanently disabled to the point where a sexual relationship is no longer possible, as in the case of advanced AIDS-related illness. The other partner takes on the role of carer and may remain deeply committed but establishes a separate sexual relationship.
A secondary relationship may also reflect a person’s lack of self-confidence — asking themselves if they are still sexually attractive — but it can also be a sign of a relationship in trouble. If a person is considering leaving their partner, they may well be looking to establish another relationship before they finish it. You could call it the ‘Tarzan Tactic’. Imagine Tarzan swinging through the trees from vine to vine. He won’t let go of the last vine until he has a firm hold on the next.
There is no question that the disclosure of a secondary relationship can leave a partner feeling shocked, betrayed, jealous, angry and hurt. It is frequently the cited cause of relationships breaking up but does this necessarily need to be so? It can be a good time to reassess the whole relationship.
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