Nina Simone Rings In My Ears
Birds flying high
You know how I feel
So. I’m back. I know all three of my readers are jumping up and down, doing a little happy dance because they missed me so. Right? DANCE, BITCHES! Okay. Sorry.
I’m hoping that this last break was long enough. I kind of just burned out on my blog. I hit a little bump known as mild depression, and I really just didn’t have the energy or desire to write anything. Even when I had just a one line thought and would think, “I should totally post that!” I’d get to the computer, drag the cursor up to my EE link, and it was like that effort just wore me out… sucked the life out of me. I just couldn’t do it.
As far as I know, nothing really triggered my depression. Every summer I have about a month where I get struck with absolutely wicked insomnia. This year, I just think it took a different path. I was sleeping. A lot. We’re talking in bed by 11, sleeping til noon, and then taking a four or five hour nap late in the afternoon. Weekdays were torturous, as I felt drugged most days because I needed more sleep. When you constantly feel that tired, it starts to affect your life. My work was suffering because I just couldn’t be bothered doing anything. I was irritable. All I really felt like doing was bonding with my couch. And my bed. And the drive thru.
Sun in the sky
You know how I feel
When light began flickering back through to my life, I started to think. I started thinking about my birthday. On my 21st birthday, my father called and the conversation began like this:
Me: Hello?
Dad: Happy Birthday! Only nine more years til your THHHIRTY!!
Every year since, my father has somehow reminded me of this birthday countdown. One morning it hit me: The countdown is over. This year, I’m turning 30. Please excuse me while I curl into the fetal position and whimper.
See, 30 does not bother me from a numerical standpoint. It is not a number that makes me feel suddenly old, or like the best years of my life are over (I mean, I never played high school or college football, so…). But 30 does have some connotations that I associate with it. You’ve said goodbye to the magazines, cafeterias, and nervous I-like-him-so-much-I-hope-he-answers-oh-god-he-did-what-do-I-say-I’ll-just-hang-ups of your teens. You’ve moved slightly passed the ritual of Friday night drunken black outs, the job hopping to find your dream job, and the wake up calls of the real world associated with your twenties. You’ve learned. You’ve become more stable and mature (about some things, at least). To me, 30 implies you are, officially, a grownup.
And so, like any grownup, I evaluated my life a little bit. I made some decisions that were not so easy. I’ve implemented major life changes.
Reeds driftin’ on by
You know how I feel
The first revolved around me, my appearance, and my general health. It’s time for me to get healthy. Here in Texas there is a weight loss program called Quick Weight Loss Center. Before you start thinking it’s not very adult of me to go for the quick fix, let me stress that the program is much more than what the name implies. Yes, the weight should come off relatively quickly, but the program is really about teaching me how to change my thinking about food. I paid for the program for a full year. My weight loss period is 16 weeks, followed by a six week transition period, and 30 weeks of maintenance. I’ll be taking lots of supplements. There’s something similar to Metabolife, there’s a carb blocker, some vitamins, and various other things. But the food? All of the food is stuff I buy at the grocery. Real food – I can’t have anything from a can (except for one can of tuna a week) or that comes prepackaged. No more meals from a bag or a box. After a few weeks, I’ll get a restaurant guide that will teach me about the kinds of things to order when I’m outside of my kitchen and in the real world. There’s even lessons about how to eat from a drive thru.
Some things will be hard – cheese and avocados are prohibited during my weight loss phase. Some things will be easy – a portion of chicken is eight ounces, which is a pretty substantial piece of chicken. Exercise is encouraged, but not required. The supplements I’ll be taking are designed to help me burn stored fat, while the diet will teach me how to maintain a healthy weight when it’s all said and done. It’s a lot of one-on-one counseling, which is better for me than the Weight Watcher group meetings I never really got anything out of.
If I follow the program, by the end of my 16 weeks I’ll have achieved a GUARANTEED weight loss of 50 pounds. People have told me I don’t need to lose that much. Those same people have nearly fallen out of their chairs when they heard how much I actually weigh. I’m lucky in that I carry my weight well. But I’m not happy in my skin, and my blood pressure will thank me for losing the weight. The program isn’t cheap by any means, but thanks to a mother that loves me (and feels guilty that I got all my weight struggles from her), it’s taken care of.
It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
Major life change number two involves my debt. At the beginning of this year, I made a goal to pay down all my debt. Well, after sending what basically adds up to an entire paycheck to my credit cards each month, I’ve barely paid down anything. Okay, I got a little carried away around my cruise, when I bought an entire new wardrobe (in my defense, I had no bathing suits or shorts, and most of my summer clothes didn’t fit), but apart from that, most of what I’ve put on my cards have been life things and not frivolous things – gas, groceries, haircuts, doctor’s appointments. When you’re sending so much money to credit card companies that you only have about $75 a week in disposable income to cover gas, groceries, life, and entertainment, and a tank of gas costs you $40 a week, what do you do? You use the same cards you’re trying to get out from under. I finally decided it had to stop and I needed to take control of my situation.
I did some research online, and I picked a debt management company. I called and went over everything with them, and then I gave myself a week to think it over. I talked to my mom about it, which ended up being much less stressful than I thought. I told her pretty much up front that I didn’t want her and dad to bail me out and I didn’t want to use my mutual funds. I wanted to be responsible and take this problem on in a way that allowed me enough money to live on and not NEED credit cards. In short, I told her, I wanted to be an adult about it.
I had previously applied for a new card, and when I was approved with a decent but not large limit, and therefore realized I’d have some kind of safety net should something happen, I felt pretty good about my plan. I could choose which cards I wanted to put on the program, so I knew this new card could be tucked away for emergencies. I sent my paperwork yesterday. My payments have been cut by about 60%. I am going to be paying about $100 over my program payment each month, which I can afford, so my payout will be shorter and ultimately I’ll owe less in interest and such. With the additional $150 I have each month, I’ll not only have about $40 more a week (which will at least cover all my gas expenses), but I’m opening a savings account. Granted, I’m not going to be putting much in it each week, but it’s a start, and it will give me a financial cushion. The other nice thing about paying extra each month is that if I know I have an expense coming up, I don’t have to send that extra payment, which gives me another $100 in my cushion. My payout is by no means a short one, but I’d rather have a longer payout – even if that means I ultimately pay more – if it means that in the meantime I can afford life.
So yeah. That’s what’s been going on with me lately. I’ll be posting more regularly now. That’s the goal. I’ve got a lot going on and I want to document it and see myself grow into a cool, fun, stable, mature-ish grownup. I hope you guys will forgive my spotty posting and long absence and come along for the ride.
It’s a new life
For me
And I’m feeling good
Posted by amy t.
Comments...
Wow. So when you get to Wichita, you will be skinny AND rich! Yay! LOL.
But seriously. Congrats on finding the light (Carol-Anne hee hee). I know how you felt. You should write a song about it. I’ll send you a beat to work with. 
Posted by Brandon Charles on 08/01 at 10:22 AM
can you tell me more about the debt management? i’ve heard they’re “bad” but we have the same problem you do (paying so much to credit cards that you have to use the credit cards for groceries because all your paycheck went to rent and cc payments).
Posted by sarah on 08/01 at 03:09 PM
hey girl, I am so glad to see you back and really hope everything works out for you. You have a great plan laid out!! Glad you’re back once again!