Nervous
There are some things going on at work that are about to be addressed by me. We had a regime change recently, which left me with my second new manager in as many months. My new boss, someone I’ve always felt comfortable discussing work stuff with (he used to be the head of my department, moved, and is now back), is suddenly intimidating as hell to me. Not because he’s making me feel intimidated, but because bosses, in general, intimidate me. They have The Power. After being laid off twice and having my next manager make it her mission to kill my social life, The Power scares me to death for some reason. Part of this, of course, is my own fault. I haven’t been the most stellar employee the last few months, and inside I’m just waiting for someone to notice and all hell to break loose.
When I gave up fast food for three months, I learned not to miss it. But that first bite of that first greasy and horribly unhealthy whatever (I can’t remember, but I think it may have been a sausage mcmuffin) brought my love of greasy unhealthy whatevers back in force. Well, that’s how it’s been for me at work lately. I was given a project a few months ago that was geared both towards my actual degree and what I love doing. I worked my ass off on that project. And then I went back to doing my normal job. Only now, my normal job seems so boring and depressing. I didn’t even know how much I missed using my brain until I flexed it a little (every brain needs some flexion now and then!)
I’ve spoken with HR about my feelings. Our HR rep has known for a while that I am anxious to move on from my current position - mostly because I started interviewing for other internal positions and also reminding her that I was told I wouldn’t be expected to be in my current job for longer than two years. Two years is up in 17 days. When I was given the project earlier this year, I was told by a higher up that what I was doing could possibly turn into a full time gig for me. Recently, I spoke to him again about that, and he told me that there is a lot more of that sort of work heading my way over the next few months. That of course makes me ask, “What happens to my other work then?” Because if given a choice between doing what I love doing and filing 600 documents, guess what’s not getting done? There used to be two people in my position. Well, to be fair, really one and a half, as one of the girls split her time between two departments. But now there is only me. And now I am getting overwhelmed. And I’m getting lazy.
Nobody is anxious to do a job they are beginning to loathe. I find myself surfing more, chatting more around the office, and staring into space more. I either need someone to come and take the menial, mindless, crap work away from me and let me grow into a new position, or I need to start looking for something more challenging. In a brief encounter with my manager today, I asked him if he had some time available tomorrow to meet with me. I nearly threw up once the words were out of my mouth. He said of course he has time. So tomorrow I will be sitting down behind closed doors with a guy that’s only been my manager for a few weeks and basically telling him I don’t want to do my job anymore. Maybe I won’t put it quite like that, but my heart just isn’t in what I’m doing, and that’s not good for anyone involved. I’m too valuable of an employee for them to waste me doing data entry and filing. And I feel like I’ve put in my dues in this position. I’ve been very involved in some very big overhauls of company systems. I’ve come up with ideas to reduce paper and increase efficiency. I’ve done what I can in this role. And now, I’m just kinda done.
I probably won’t sleep tonight, and I’ll probably feel sick to my stomach until this meeting is done tomorrow. I just hope that I manage to remember that this is a man that knows all my beef with my job - I always went to him when I had troubles with my manager or needed guidance on how to handle something in the department. So he knows. And he’s a really nice guy, and from what I can tell, a great boss. I just hope I remember that. And I hope I don’t throw up on his desk.
Posted by amy t.
Comments...
Yeah, I’ve been at my job for nearly 3 yrs and I’m getting that itch too. I have an interview on Thursday.