Monday, August 04, 2008
Temporary Insanity
So my new diet started yesterday. I spent my weekend stuffing my face full of things I can’t have any time soon. Dinner Friday night was Long John Silver’s. Followed by serious cupcakes. The late night snack consisted of the best m&m blast Sonic ever created. Saturday I enjoyed a meal at Jason’s that pretty much will all now be prohibited: chicken (okay, that’s allowed) with melted cheese and guacamole grilled in a flour tortilla. And chips. Lots of chips. Thanks to an adderall, I didn’t really have the sweet tooth I thought I’d have (but I did clean my entire apartment, so score one for me). That night Sarah and I hit a bar that I enjoy for my last beers and some karaoke. Since I won’t be able to go out drinking for a while, I made sure I enjoyed it. The night ended with a Wendy’s chicken sandwich meal and the remainder of my blast that I’d saved. All in all, a great last weekend of deliciousness.
I started out okay on Sunday. The first three days of my diet are basically a prep phase, where I ready my body to lose weight. There’s a pretty serious Atkins-esque thing for these three days. I had to pick one protein (I picked beef), and basically all I can eat for the first three days are beef and raw salad vegetables. I spent all morning cooking on Saturday so I won’t really need to cook for the rest of the week, so I was set for yesterday. I got up (with a splitting headache and no pain meds in the house) and ate my few ounces of beef. Then I went back to bed. ALL DAY. I didn’t eat my lunch until about 4. More beef. Sliced up in a salad. And an orange (required). Dinner was around 7. Steak. Salad. Orange.
You see, you may think that eating steak for three days sounds awesome, but when you can’t use anything good to marinate the meat and you can’t use any condiments while eating the meat, steak gets a little tedious.
By about 9, the cravings had set in. I was told I’d go through some serious and seriously painful withdrawls from the carbs and caffeine. Part of me didn’t believe the woman. Part of me really thought, “I really don’t eat that many carbs. I should be okay.” Except that for the past two weeks I’ve been scarfing every carb I can get my hand on. If it was sugary, bready, fatty, or delicious, I stuffed myself to the point of bursting with it over the last two weeks. So yeah. By 9:45 I would have killed someone for a cupcake. Or a cigarette. Because once I started craving one thing, I started craving everything I can’t have, and oh my god it hurt so bad. My chest hurt. My head, which had finally become pain-free about 5, was pounding. I am sure that there was a Little with a jackhammer up in my brain last night. I bet it was Dinky. Anyway, the withdrawl was awful and I realized that it’s a good thing I’m not a recovering heroin addict.
My headache has not gone away. While I feel better now than I did this morning (I felt like absolute ass this morning), I’m still a bit light sensitive and my head has a dull, slow, throb going on. I never thought I’d look so forward to a piece of bread as I am right now.
On the plus side, I weighed yesterday morning and I weighed again this morning. If my scale is to be believed, I lost three pounds yesterday. I’m going for my first official weigh in tonight after work, so we’ll see what that scale says. I think I’m gonna pack a change of clothes into my car so that I weigh in the same outfit each time. Anyway, the diet has begun.
Only 40 hours until I can eat chicken. AND BREAD.
Posted by amy t. @ 04:08 PM in • Just Eat It · (1) Comments · (0) Trackbacks ·
Saturday, August 02, 2008
You Know You're With Your Best Friend When...
... the Mythbusters Shark Week Special says something about “fake plastic fish,” and both of you simultaneously begin singing that phrase to “Fake Plaa-AAASSTIC Trees.”
Good times.
Posted by amy t. @ 06:10 PM in • Stick By 'Em, Stuck With 'Em · (0) Comments · (0) Trackbacks ·
Friday, August 01, 2008
Nina Simone Rings In My Ears
Birds flying high
You know how I feel
So. I’m back. I know all three of my readers are jumping up and down, doing a little happy dance because they missed me so. Right? DANCE, BITCHES! Okay. Sorry.
I’m hoping that this last break was long enough. I kind of just burned out on my blog. I hit a little bump known as mild depression, and I really just didn’t have the energy or desire to write anything. Even when I had just a one line thought and would think, “I should totally post that!” I’d get to the computer, drag the cursor up to my EE link, and it was like that effort just wore me out… sucked the life out of me. I just couldn’t do it.
As far as I know, nothing really triggered my depression. Every summer I have about a month where I get struck with absolutely wicked insomnia. This year, I just think it took a different path. I was sleeping. A lot. We’re talking in bed by 11, sleeping til noon, and then taking a four or five hour nap late in the afternoon. Weekdays were torturous, as I felt drugged most days because I needed more sleep. When you constantly feel that tired, it starts to affect your life. My work was suffering because I just couldn’t be bothered doing anything. I was irritable. All I really felt like doing was bonding with my couch. And my bed. And the drive thru.
Sun in the sky
You know how I feel
When light began flickering back through to my life, I started to think. I started thinking about my birthday. On my 21st birthday, my father called and the conversation began like this:
Me: Hello?
Dad: Happy Birthday! Only nine more years til your THHHIRTY!!
Every year since, my father has somehow reminded me of this birthday countdown. One morning it hit me: The countdown is over. This year, I’m turning 30. Please excuse me while I curl into the fetal position and whimper.
See, 30 does not bother me from a numerical standpoint. It is not a number that makes me feel suddenly old, or like the best years of my life are over (I mean, I never played high school or college football, so…). But 30 does have some connotations that I associate with it. You’ve said goodbye to the magazines, cafeterias, and nervous I-like-him-so-much-I-hope-he-answers-oh-god-he-did-what-do-I-say-I’ll-just-hang-ups of your teens. You’ve moved slightly passed the ritual of Friday night drunken black outs, the job hopping to find your dream job, and the wake up calls of the real world associated with your twenties. You’ve learned. You’ve become more stable and mature (about some things, at least). To me, 30 implies you are, officially, a grownup.
And so, like any grownup, I evaluated my life a little bit. I made some decisions that were not so easy. I’ve implemented major life changes.
Posted by amy t. @ 09:06 AM in · (3) Comments · (0) Trackbacks ·
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
The Return
Returning August 1. Check back then for a post. No, seriously. Really. A post will be up August 1.
I mean it.
Posted by amy t. @ 07:57 AM in • Imitation of Life · (1) Comments · (0) Trackbacks ·
Monday, June 30, 2008
Looking At Things Differently
You know, I know people are pretty down on Amy Winehouse these days. I mean, the girl’s a total mess, no doubt. I’ve read numerous reports about her trying to punch a fan at Glastonbury, and reports have ranged on the reasons being anything from the fan tried to touch the beehive to the fan insulted Blake Loser-Civil. But you know what? I can’t help but notice and give props to the fact that Amy Winehouse didn’t even stop singing when she attacked that fan. She didn’t miss a beat - just kept on slurring those words.
The show must go on, after all.
Slur on, girl.
Posted by amy t. @ 10:00 AM in • Imitation of Life · (2) Comments · (0) Trackbacks ·
Friday, June 27, 2008
Do You Know What Today Is?
Do you? If you don’t, you should be ashamed of yourself. It’s a very important day, after all. One which changed the world in a lovely way.
You see, today is the day that Ms. Pants was born. She brings beauty and laughter and dancing and love into every life she touches (unless it’s the life of someone on her shit list or who’s wearing an atrocious outfit), and I am a better person for knowing her.
Posted by amy t. @ 09:49 AM in · (0) Comments · (0) Trackbacks ·
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Doing What I Can
Note: In this post, all caps actually represents yelling, unlike most of the time when I use it for emphasis because I’m too lazy to type in the coding for italics or bolding.
To all the exes of the world,
If you are, in fact, on pretty good terms with your ex, and you find yourself drunk and talking to them on the phone, and you are trying to get a good dig in while staying on good terms, perhaps you should avoid conversations like the following:
Ex1: (blah blah blah)... I wasted four years of my life on you…
Ex2: Fuck you.
Ex1: HaHA, fuck you.
Ex2: *Click*
(Aside: don’t you really miss being able to slam down the phone on someone? Pushing the off button just isn’t the same. There’s no release of rage. Oh well. At least with my slider phone I can slam the slidery bit down with force on my end, even if the hanging up noise doesn’t exist on the other end.)
Exes, if you do find yourself having just had the preceding conversation, there really is not much you can do to make it up that does not involve a large bottle of alcohol sent with apologies to the offended. That said, however, the following conversation is a good start to getting back in good graces.
Ex1: *calling*
Ex2: *rejects call*
Ex1: *calling*
Ex2: *rejects call*
Ex1: *calling*
Ex2: WHAT?
Ex1: I’m sorry. I was trying to be funny and it didn’t work out.
Ex2: No shit. That was MEAN AND UNCALLED FOR.
Ex1: I know, and I shouldn’t have said it, but you know it’s the furthest thing from the truth.
Ex2: YOU JACKASS! WAIT. WHAT? THAT COME BACK WENT A LONG WAYS TOWARD MAKING IT BETTER. GOOD JOB!
So you see, exes, you can recover from a blunder such as this, but your drunk ass needs to be quick on the draw with an apology and complimentary statement.
Sincerely,
MissDirected:
Doing my part to help out exes idiots MANkind.
Posted by amy t. @ 09:03 AM in • Dead Letter Office • Love & Heartache • Stick By 'Em, Stuck With 'Em · (1) Comments · (0) Trackbacks ·
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Where's The Winter River Bridge When You Need It?
You are in a downward spiral of self hate, nearly gagging every time you see yourself in the mirror and wishing you could rip your own hair and skin clean off and emerge as someone else. Just when you think you can’t feel any worse, someone you love very dearly takes your knees out from under you by revealing what they really think about the kind of person you are. All you want to do is curl up in a ball and cry and die and disappear, because the fact that they could ever think that about you makes you feel like you’ve got a giant hole in your chest.
And right now, when you really need someone to hear your silent screaming, you feel like you have nobody.
Posted by amy t. @ 05:03 PM in • Evaporated · (0) Trackbacks ·
Monday, June 09, 2008
Max, Can You Earmuff For Me?
I’m sick. AGAIN. My nose is doing that fun thing where it runs down your face but is totally stuffed up, and when you blow nothing comes out. Yesterday afternoon my ears started hurting. Not a big deal for me when I have a sinus infection. I’m always popping my ears through them. This time, however, my ears are totally stuffed and I can’t pop them. They’re too blocked up. I spent most of yesterday looking like I had tourettes because I was opening my jaw really wide (which sometimes pops my ears) over and over again. I held and blew out my nose until I was in tears and my face was so red it looked like an angry cartoon character, but to no avail. I am hearing things warped. I can barely hear my keyboard as I type, and I don’t have a quiet keyboard. I can’t tell if I’m whispering or shouting because I’m hearing my voice all inside my head. It’s like I have earmuffs on, but I lost the band that holds the muffs (heh) and the gods decided I should hold them on with a vice grip instead. I’m taking the second round of antibiotics my doctor gave me before my cruise, but they’re not working, and as of last night, I had a fever.
I’m just a barrel of sunshine (hahahah! I totally just typed that as sunshite, which might be more accurate) today.
Posted by amy t. @ 09:15 AM in • Bitchfest · (1) Comments · (0) Trackbacks ·
Friday, June 06, 2008
We'd Be So Rowdy Together At A Party
I was just talking to a coworker, and we were talking about the various advantages of shots vs. beer vs. mixed drinks. She said beer used to make her too full, so she’d take shots because they were easy. I told her I used to drink Long Island Iced Teas because I could have two over the course of the night and go home with a relatively small bar tab and having had a relatively boisterous night. She said she totally agreed. And then I spouted out this little bit of wisdom…
“When you think about it, two Long Island’s is really like having 10 shots for the price of 4.”
Poor drinkers everywhere, I am here to guide you my friends.
Posted by amy t. @ 03:40 PM in • For The Money • Hearsay • The Friday Files · (1) Comments · (0) Trackbacks ·
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Okay, Okay, Fine.
For those interested in the actual recap of my trip OFF the boat, I’ll post one before Monday. God, Pat. You’re so freaking picky!
Posted by amy t. @ 12:29 PM in • Imitation of Life • Stick By 'Em, Stuck With 'Em · (1) Comments · (0) Trackbacks ·
No Gang Colors Required!
I’ve had some really great vacations in my life. New Orleans with Sarah over Labor Day weekend. A 10-day tour of Scotland. T in the Park 2007. I’ve been on trips that I will remember forever, and I’ve got a new one to add to my list. Coming home from seven days sailing the Caribbean was hard, no doubt. I mean, I was totally bummed I didn’t have a cooked-to-order steak and a towel animal waiting for me when I got home last night. At midnight when I got the munchies, I couldn’t run down to Sorrento’s for some of the best pizza on the planet. Towels thrown on the floor remain there. And the view out of my window is a lot less beautiful. I never thought I’d say that the gorgeous places I was fortunate enough to visit on this trip would not be the best part. But they weren’t - not by far. The best part was life after we set sail each day - because that’s when we met up each night.
Posted by amy t. @ 07:24 AM in • Imitation of Life • Stick By 'Em, Stuck With 'Em · (1) Comments · (0) Trackbacks ·
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
I'm Back, and I'm TAN.
Back from holiday, but not yet ready to be. Working on the post mortem of my trip, which will actually be more the length of a novella than a blog post, but whatever. I’m tan, and that’s all that matters. Did you hear me? I’M TAN! There are those in the world that didn’t believe it was possible. In response, I mentally flash my tan lines at you. So there! Working 4-10s this week at work, which sucks, but at least the interns have started.
I’ll try to put up the post mortem and all the pictures in the next day or so.
Posted by amy t. @ 04:51 PM in • Imitation of Life · (1) Comments · (0) Trackbacks ·
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Off Into The Sunset
Sorry I’ve been missing again this week. I’ve had the death again. I thought karma was actually being kind by getting me sick a full week before I left for vacation, but it was all a ruse. I got sick, got meds, felt better, and then crashed into a worse sickness. This week was kind of stupid. Monday I was off thanks to our new summer hours, Tuesday I worked but missed some time for a doctor’s appointment, Wednesday I called in sick, Thursday I was actually at work for the full 10 hours, and yesterday I lasted until 10 before I came home sick again. I got a new round of horse pill strength antibiotics from my doctor, and I start those this morning.
Tonight I head out to my mom and dad’s for our big family adventure. We leave even before ass o’clock tomorrow - 5 a.m. The boat leaves at 5 p.m. from Miami on Sunday. I’m looking forward to a full week of sun and fresh air. I don’t know if I’ll have computer access, but if I do I’ll try to check in here and let you know what a fabulous time I’m having seeing marine life and getting a tan. I’m looking most forward to water you can actually see into. I mean, here we have Galveston Bay, where you walk in up to your ankles and can no longer see your toes. No joke.
Well, okay. In case I don’t check in for a while, have a fabulous Memorial Day and a great week!
Posted by amy t. @ 08:20 AM in • Imitation of Life • Stick By 'Em, Stuck With 'Em · (0) Comments · (0) Trackbacks ·
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Summer Hours = Hell Hours
Oh holy fuck it’s early.